I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
