Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
