just tell him i said nine months
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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