i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
