But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
