He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
