it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sorry about my life...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
