You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
