imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
