Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
