Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
