hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
