Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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