Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
