Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
