cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
