I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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