Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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