apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
