glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
