well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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