Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
