PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
