Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
