everyone is single if you try hard enough
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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