the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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