i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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