Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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