i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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