we made out on top of his cat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
