dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
