Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
