i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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