just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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