This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need to calm my uterus...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
