Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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