my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
