i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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