It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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