I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
