if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
