I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
