at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
