That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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