Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is my gift to your gina
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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