Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
