i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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