Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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