I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
