He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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