census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just google imaged poop.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
