he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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