my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
