Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
