I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
