It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
