you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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