Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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