if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
