I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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