I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
