At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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