my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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