Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
