I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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