i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
