I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
