Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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