you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
