You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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