I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
