oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
