I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
