There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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