i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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