why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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