Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
