why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
