I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
