The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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