Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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