Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
