Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
